It’ll rain!

As I walk by this pathway,watching these tiny droplets fall.
Rain. The most mesmerising experience I’ve experienced in my short life on this earth.
It gives me hope for a new start. That all my pain,faults,mistakes and regrets are going to be washed away like a brand new slate. It makes me feel like a part of something big.
The smell of the wet sand,the smell of something new. The cologne I could wear my whole life if asked to do so.
Rain makes me ponder over things that I would easily ignore all my life.
Rain makes me want to have faith. It makes me want to believe. Believe that even if my life is a mess,it’s okay because it’s not over.
It tells me that there is that someone looking over me from above. That I am taken care of,that I am not alone.
Each droplet tells me to count my blessings. The lightning shows me that little ray of hope in the dark clouds. The thunder is my cue to a new start.
The little puddles are the challenges life presented me with. Some I stepped into,some I carefully escaped. Each representing a new lesson learnt.
These puddles got me where I am today,how I am today. Dirty and messy,but happy.
As looked around ,everyone was dirty and messy but happy.Proud of how dirty and messy they were. As these stains showed all the battles we fought and won,lessons we learnt. And most importantly,telling each other that we all are a little hurt and it’s okay.
The rain tells me that everything is going to be fine. There are going be scorching mornings and chilly nights.There is going to be a time when all hopes are going to dry away and fall.
It’ll all look dead.
But then,eventually,there’ll be rain.
It will give you the wet sand,the droplets,the lightning,the thunder and most importantly the puddles!

Again.

And there it is again. Someone showing you the – And there it is again. Someone showing you the back. Someone. Again, a very dear one. And you can’t ask him to stop. Because you’re scared as the last time you did so you got it right in your face that you were dead for him, already. Yet another him. And after all the love, the embrace, the strength and the feeling special moments, he’s going. You know you won’t stop because you know you can’t promise to keep him happy. Perhaps you didn’t ever keep him happy. And may be he’s tired. Tired from the unconditional, irrevocable affection he’s been given you all these years. Now he wants to go away. Like him. May be a man in your life is just an illusion. Maybe you don’t deserve one. Whatever it is. Happiness doesn’t keep for long. It’s not your thing. It’s a seclusion you want to achieve. You’re scared of it. Scared of the very feeling which has come to rescue you. And may be that is why he’s going. He thinks he’s failed, but you know YOU have failed him because you’re scared. But you won’t show it. Or the world will know. And the world’s not good. So you’ll pretend to love from the hollow self. And you will fight with bare hands and lost mind. Because the world must not know. Or they’ll leave too. Because they don’t need scared. They don’t need you. That is why he is going. I thought he knows and he’ll stay. But he’s going. Because he knows. He tried but I failed him. I failed someone yet another time. I know he’s gone and won’t come back for me. And now he’s going too. And I’m scared. But the world mustn’t know.
-Saniya zehra.

After school,before college.

You make friends for life in your school. You can swear by your life that they’ll be with you no matter what,where,why.
They are the people with whom you have grown. They’ve seen you grow. They know your darkest secrets,your ugliest habits,your freaky talents.
They are the people you have the most beautiful memories with.
They are the ones who have seen you fall heads over heals for someone. And provide you with a shoulder to cry when you break your head and your heels.
The ones who fought for you,with you,over you!
They’re your second family!
Yet,you tend to lose them. You tend to lose your family.
Caught in between the tension for your result, college applications, entrance exams, parents’ aspirations and so much more. You miss them. You miss them hard. And still you tend to lose them?
You meet up with them, it’s not the same. It’s not the same feeling.
You feel angry and guilty. You wish you could do something about it. But there is ego,formalities,grudges and miscommunication. So you leave things how they are and expect them to be just fine by themselves.
The thought of your school and friends crosses your mind once in a while. But you think that you’ll find better people once you get into college,but you know at the back of your mind that you’ll never find these friends.
So finally you give it your last try to make things better. They do get better only to get even worse.
We are not the same people anymore. Or maybe it was the school which made us what we were.
How we could slap each other in the faces without any ego coming in between and without any grudges being held.
It was school. A Place where you make friends for life.
Yes,friends for life.
I realise that the harder I tried,the worse it got.
So Maybe I need to give them and myself a little time because they’re my friends for life.

If You Ever….

The Chatter Blog

If you ever birthed, adopted or fostered a child.

If you ever held a baby for endless hours because you wanted the child to sleep, whether you did nor not.

If you ever held a vomiting child.   Or had a child projectile vomit in your face.   Or held a baby high, laughing at their beauty, and they spit up in your laughing face-and you kept laughing while gagging.

If you ever read story after story after story after story after story after story after story.  Then read another one.

If you ever laughed at 1,279 ‘knock knock’ jokes that ended with “it’s me mom!”

If you ever went out scouting the neighborhood, or the school, or the football game to get a glimpse of the boy/girl that broke your child’s heart.  Or called them a name.  Or pulled their hair.  Or gave them a dirty look.  Or did…

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You.

People will come and people will go, they’ll hurt you,leave you with beautiful memories,make you crazy about them,make you hate them.
You’ve just got to learn to move on,because the only constant thing in life is change.
You can’t let yourself down in your own eyes because the only person you have to face everyday is you.
You may love yourself or you may not like yourself but ‘you’ is the only person you can guarantee will be there beside you on your deathbed.
Love yourself,because only you can pull out yourself of the mess you created for yourself and others created for you.
You can’t lose yourself for others because when nobody is there, you are always there for yourself.

The darkest of hours.

In the darkest of hours, when nothing comes to you that what did you ever do to deserve this, when did you ever wrong anyone.
When you can’t figure out how can people be so cruel and mean and just the way they are.
When you cannot find a single reason to live, when you can see your world falling apart in front if your own eyes.
When you know you don’t belong, when all hopes start fading.
Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Think of your mother’s smile. Your father, how he would do anything for you. Your brother, how he would tear the whole world apart if he saw you hurt. Your best friend,how she would be ready to do anything for your one smile.
Do you think that fitting in,in a world where people treat each other like a prop matters when you have people who would just so anything for you?
Do you think they’ll let your world fall apart? Even if it does fall apart, trust me, they’ll built you a better one.

So just believe in being a good human. Treat everybody with love ,you just might save a life.

Letting go.

I’m holding on to this dead man whose about to fall from the top of a building with a rope tied around him. I know he is dead. I know it won’t matter if i keep holding on to that rope for the rest of my life, he won’t come back. He is dead. And yet I’m holding that rope. Sometimes losing my grip on purpose,sometimes tightening it.
I keep thinking ‘there’s always hope’.
After hours of standing in the sun in the month of April, the thought of people waiting for me back home comes to my mind.
And then it hits me, the dead man is a part of me which is long gone, and it isn’t coming back. Yet I’m holding on to it because it’s too scary to let go. I’ve never seen what life is without that part of me. Yes it’s scary.
The images of the people back at home flashes before my eyes and I let go of that rope.
I was not willing to make myself the dead weight. Not on them , not on myself.

In it to win it.

Perhaps it’s the fear that stops you from reaching the finishing line. The fear that as soon as you are the closest to finally finishing your race, the closest you’ve ever been. When finally you can actually smell freedom, there will be that someone like all the other times to pull you back and put you from where you started,again. And then all the pain, all the sufferings and sacrifices will result in nothing,yet again.
So now, you lie down and think about giving up. You wonder how would it be like to give in to the temptation,to not be running away all the time.
But then you remember that you’ve been there too. You once surrendered to the temptations too. It occurs to you that it was not worth it. Giving in is far worse than resisting it. Why does giving up has to be so easy?
But no,you’re going to take the higher road, The road less travelled. So you get up, put on your shoes and get ready for yet another race. This time to win it.